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I have no more self esteem no more self control



This hatred in my life I am trying to overthrow



Yet I have no more room inside for the love to go



This pain and torment is swallowing me whole



I am losing all hope for my eternal soul



I have for ever lost the love of my life



Now she will never be able to become my wife



This terrible sadness has turned me to the ways of the night



For ever being blinded from the brightness of the light



I now live my life through a vision of blurred sight



No longer for my life do I feel the need to fight



For this pain has finally struck my heart's core



Left me feeling beaten, battered, and sore



I am no longer wishing to live this life anymore



For love after all is the only thing we truly have to live for



With out her my life is worthless



So now I am ready to lay down never to wake in this bloody mess



My will has been broken and tossed out



Now nothing but pain comes from my mouth



In this life I have missed my chance at happiness with a family



Now death is all that I deserve to see



For nothing good could ever again come from me



So I live with no where to belong wishing to be set free

Waking every morning with the intentions of dying



Through my suicide will be the actions of me crying



I kept these emotions bottled up for far too long



So my spilled blood will sing the lyrics of my life's sad song



For death is where I truly belong



Taking myself out before I can do any more wrong



In my life I have brought myself nothing but shame



Through my own actions I know that I am the one to blame



Take a drink so that the crimson curtain falls



My sight fades out as my time of death calls



In a world of non-understanding now no one can save me



So my life will fade out through this crimson sea



Slowly I am lost from the light of my own soul as I begin to cry



I have lost the will to carry on in life or in the very least try



Even when I do get the urge I still accomplish nothing



No matter what I do or where I go pain and sorrow is all that I will bring



So let me burn away in a fire amongst the kindling



Let me fade out as the black bird sings



Please O Lord I pray for my time of death



Please let me take in my last dying breath

For ever I am changed by this

Turned with just one dark kiss

An exchanging of fluids and an exchanging of blood

Left to awake the next day face down in the mud

Woke up confused with out a clue as to where I was at

Left walking home alone wondering who was that

Now an eerie draft fallows every step that I take

Getting visions of that night while hoping that the choice I made was not a mistake

Unsure if from this curse free could I brake

Still unsure as to exactly what decisions to make

With this new gift I am unsure of witch direction to go

Still wondering if of the reasoning for us to live will I ever know

Existing through the darkest depths of earth humanity now becomes my food

My preferred blood taste differs day to day depending on my mood

All I know so far is that from this blood lust I can never escape

So the essence of this earth I will continue to rape

My old life has burned itself away and from the ashes was born a new

A path of death and blood is now all that I can walk through

Of this unholy road I can never ever strife

So for the rest of eternity your blood will bring me new life

Living in darkness with the intent for harm

Inviting in all with wide open arms

Wishing for some one to come along and tame this dark heart

For I am killing myself inside I am slowly falling apart

With out some one by my side my heart continues to grow cold

With no one to share this life with my body begins to decay and grow old

My aura is changing into a deep shade of grey

My body slowly starts to wither away

I should have listened to the warnings when by her I was told

For now I am a shapeless form of clay never again to take shape or mold

My beliefs and morals begin to unfold

Of my life I can no longer keep a hold

My ways of living are spinning out of control

Slowly I begin to let go of my own eternal soul

The flesh of others begin to call my name

All of this confusion is driving me insane

Uncontrollable shakes are taking over me

In this torment I shall be lost for eternity

The hand of time are counting down until I lose control and explode on all of society

So I shall cast myself away from all of humanity

I will live in the deepest darkest depths of earth hoping for a little peace of serenity

Hoping that from this lonely pain some one will come to set me free

Losing control I am unable to regain my composure

Wondering aimlessly as my time of death draws closer

Wishing I had a reason to stay or some one to live for

Unable to move I can not bare this pain any more

All of this hurt has finally reached my heart's core

Wishing that I could spread wings so that free from this place I could soar

For life is not living when you are alone

So I am wishing my body would turn into mere ash and bone

For nothing or no one but this painful sadness is what I have got

So just leave me laying in a pile of dead decaying rot

I have no one by my side to share this love

So why not wish for the hand of death to reach out to me from up above

I was lost from the loving touch of serenity

Tossed down to live in this world of insanity

Cast out from my own body's holy temple and loving embrace

Benn beaten and battered and left laying on my face

In this world I have lost my place

So am I to just walk this earth alone in utter disgrace

Is there something that I am suppose to learn from this experience

Or is there even a reason any longer for me to exist

After all there is no more love just this pain left down deep inside

Everything inside is fading for it has all died

There is nothing left but lies for I have even lost all of my pride

So there is nothing left to do but on my own time of death to decide

The cards of fate have dealt me a bad hand

Tears of sorrow fall from my face turning into sand

My blood reeks of agony and defeat

Through this pain my knees fall to the concrete

Eyes full of tears I am lost in all of this sorrow

This depression is eating me inside and out leaving me hallow

These emotions are taring at my skin leaving behind scars

I have lost all hope sitting alone under the stars

Sitting alone wishing that some one new would come along

Hoping for some one to change the lyrics of my life's sad song

Is there any one that can save me from myself or have I missed my chance

Is there even some one left who would give me a second glance

To save me is there even anything that some one could say

I sit alone wondering this to myself every aching day

If some one did come along would I take the chance in ruining their life as well and stay

Or should I sit alone and watch as my heart withers away

The answers to these questions could I ever find

Or will this constant doubt eventually destroy my mind

Do I even deserve to wonder why

Should I live on and keep giving hope a try

Is there some one out there that is truly meant for me

If I ever meet her will I know or will I be too blind to see

Stalking the night taking everything in my sight

No matter how much they fight they still lose to the kin of the night

You can run my children but you will never escape me

For every one will contribute to the great blood sea

No one is beyond my etheral dark grasp

Your body will go limp as for your last breath you will desperately gasp

Walking through the flames knowing that hell will soon fallow

Eating all of your souls leaving your lifeless bodies ever so hallow

Every little whisper you Make I can hear

So continue to live your lives out in constant fear

It is time to die you poor little mundanes

So I am heading straight for all of you major veins

Death comes to all who stands before me

Taking you all out down my ever lasting road of blasphomy

Upon your society my dark embrace has been cast

So live while you can because your lives will not last

You are all nothing to me but new caskets and gravestones

So it does not bother me to grind up your body and bones

So I slice you open and gulp your blood down

Then take you out back and bury you deep with in the ground

I will use your flesh to fertilize my own sadistic garden of Eden

Then I will go back out into the night for another feeding

I thought that I was living in bliss

Now I can see that it was just a self made world of piss

So now what do I do in a time like this

Should I even still be allowed to exist

Smacked down from the light into my ever darkening life

I have chose my new path and from it I can never strife

Brought out of the light and changed to the ways of the night

With this blurred vision of power from it I am now unable to fight

Should I continue to live on even in all of this pain

Do I keep going on even though I am going insane

Dare I reach out to the flame

Do I change or dare I stay the same

Should I go ahead and accept this dark power

Or do I stay the way I am and in its essence cower

I think I should accept this life so new

After all it is only offered to a very select few

Yes I should walk this new path of death

Begin to stalk the night and take your last breath

Through your I shall yet succeed

So I think that it is now time to feed

Love is it really unconditional

Or is it something that can become exceptional

Is there truly just one person that is meant for another

Or do you have to work at it to make them your one and only lover

Is there even a reason for love to exist

If so does that mean that I will some day be allowed to learn of this

Will I ever again be allowed to be touched by love

Or is this part of my punishment from up above

Will I be allowed to feel another woman's constantly warming embrace

Or will I live on to never again feel another woman's breath amongst my face

Of another woman's flesh will I be able to taste

Or will I be left alone to waste

For another love I yearn and of love could I again be able to learn

Or will I be left alone to burn

Can I ever find another who will love me

Or is this road of loneliness now all that I am allowed to see

Another person meant for for me could there truly be

Or am I doomed to walk alone for the rest of eternity

Pain and suffering is all that my future has in store for me



Mixtures of black and crimson are all my eyes can see



Light blocked out from the inside of my eternal being



Darkness gathers as I slowly begin to cease breathing



Reaching out for one more spark of life as my heart continues bleeding



Falling deeper in my self made hole with out the chance or even the will for succeeding



Ripping from my chest my demons are exploding out from deep inside of me



Why wont they just go away and just leave me be



There is an unbelievable amount of spiritual drain as my mind and will begin to bend



Slowly I can feel my life coming to an end



My thoughts are all fading out as after I go I know I will have no where for my soul to go



I fade away knowing that from my life I have nothing to show



I began my life with the intentions of accomplishing something



Yet I have spent my life doing absolutely nothing



My time of forgiveness and a chance to change has already came and passed



So let me turn to bone and ash and fade out with the past

Does any body else know how it feels to truly be alone



Reaching out with love and kindness but hatred is all that you are shown



To be beaten down so much that your own heart starts to turn to stone



To be forgotten by society for so long that you begin to reach out to the unknown



So far gone that your eyes turn as cold as your soul



Looking in to a mirror knowing that over your own life you no longer have control



The hunger taking over eating at your mind and you are shaking in the knees



You become so intent with the demise of this planet that you always smell death amongst the breeze



Falling asleep at night with the hopes that you wont wake to another day



Just laying motionless wishing that is how you would stay



Waste away from starvation slowly fading out of this reality



Lost all faith in your self along with the rest of humanity



Hatred starting to set in having deadly thoughts and dreams



Wishing that some one out there could save you from your silent screams



Full of pain and confusion that slowly begins to eat you whole



Living in the streets with no where else left to go

My backyard is the devil's playground that I created through blasphemy

Sharing the blood that I feast upon with the black soil to bring the darkest hour of this earth's catastrophe

From the ground come bloody pain filled screams

He sends me messages through my dreams

With my help his plans will succeed

The earth's core shall bleed

Flesh will boil from it's intense heat

The only ones to be saved will be those who bow down at his feat

He will bring about an unimaginable amount of unholy terror

His reign will last forever

His power is beyond any measure and his love is greater than any treasure

All of his children shall live forever through sinful pleasure

We are granted high power through his fiery breath

All those who stand against him shall be sentenced to death

This will become a world of darkness with out an ounce of light

For we will all become children of the night

We will be granted vision through his sight

For him we will sacrifice our lives and fight

He his our leader our new found father

The dark embrace shall become our mother

We will sing the darkest of poems in his grace

For by his side is our rightful place

Be warned that this is not your unholy devil that I speak of

It is our father dragon king of the darkness for whom we reach out to for love

The love has come and gone from me

To me food is now all that you can be to me

Off of you life's essence my aura now feeds

I now get my sadistic pleasure by slitting your throat and fucking the hole that bleeds

You blood brings me to my highest state of extacy

Killing off all you cattle with such simplicity

Smashing in their chest to mush so soft

Every thing around me begins to die off

To my brain the scent of your blood begins to entice

Living with a heart so cold that it has turned to ice

Living day to day with this unholy blood lust

I can't help for it to drink from you I just simply must

Beating myself on the inside and out

Enticing lies leading you to your death spew from my mouth

My demons are free and on their deadly rampage

Out on a bloody stroll finally freed from their cage

They are pissed off and ready to feast on your blood

So let the crimson seas flow through me like an unholy flood

From the taste of just one drop I became this eternal dark seed

Addicted to the rush and taste I will never be freed

I will slit your wrist to let you bleed

With the help from your blood I will succeed

My goal is to reach an unholy amount of power

Through your death I will blossom like a beautiful blood fed flower

Time is nothing but false hope

Just more pain with out any way to cope

I have lived out my life with nothing to show

So I am ready to bleed out fading so very slow

The serpent's tongue speaks and takes over my soul

Over my body these demons are in complete control

I am nothing more than a wolf in disguise

To walk in darkness with light for ever lost from my eyes

Here to bring about the world's utter demise

Prowling the streets at night to claim your blood as my prize

Polite as I talk in order to gain your trust

Then it's time to feed my ever growing blood lust

Tears fill my eyes from enjoyment as my mouth fills with your crimson fluid

Unable to stop until all mundane souls have been obliterated

With a twisted smile I slit the throat to watch them bleed

Drinking deep of them so that at my goals for life I might be able to succeed

An unholy being in you I have implanted my seed

On your life's essence it will continuously feed

Taring out from deep inside you it's aura becomes it's knife

Just like with me your blood will bring it new life

Feelings of anger and sorrow are boiling up from deep inside

My feelings I am no longer trying to hide

Debating on taking my precious path of suicide

All of my love for this life has died

For I have lost the one that I need by my side

So there is nothing left for me to do but tame that last ride

I lived my life through nothing but lies

It is this that let me know that it is my own life that I truly despise

I am nothing more than my creator's wasted time

For it is now not just her's but my own rules that I undermine

Living every day knowing that of this life I am undeserving

Knowing that when I die I will just be cast aside and for some one's love and acceptance I will for ever be yearning

Yet still waking every morning with the hopes that this could be the day that some one will kill me

Then the reasoning behind my errors I might finally be able to see

Inside there is something new being born with no ideas of what to call it

So the longer I live is the further that I become this alcoholic

I will do anything to help the time pass by

Until the day that I am finally allowed to die

Still I am unsure if I will be allowed to fly

With these broken wings I might never reach the sky

These drugs are my only way out of this depression

So here I am once again sitting down to another session

Pouring down my arms and face are these beads of cold sweat

In so deep with no way out from this unforgiving debt

My chest is so heavy it's like I am wearing a led vest

I am unable to awaken from this demonic rest

Lost and confused unable to move for I have lost all of my energy

Life is nothing more to me than just another bad memory

Visions of death and decay swirl my mind about

I open my mouth but the screams wont come out

Staring into the mirror and gazing upon my reflection

My body shivers with cold chills from my own souls rejection

I try to see my true form but only get back a blank stare

Panting and quivering with no escape from this life's endless nightmare

Yet I will keep running even though I am stuck in the same time and space

Unable to win I contemplate erasing my very existence from this place

I reach for my bottle and blade as my heart starts to race

Look back at the mirror and finally I am able to see my true face

Eyes as black and empty as the unknown corners of my eternal soul

So graciously I decide to let my worthless life go

Cast out from the light within my own eternal soul

Lost form the sun to become nothing more than a meaningless shadow

Still in love with a woman who's love has for ever been lost from my heart

Slowly I am letting my demons from inside tare me apart

Always questioning with no answers ever coming from my lips

The pain sets in as the razor slowly slips

Pools of crimson red begin to surround me

Looking back on my life I know that this is truly where I deserve to be

Nothing good has come from me I was just a waste

So this pain is what I truly deserve to taste

In this world I mean nothing I am just meaningless

Keep digging a deeper hole with no hopes or even any rights for any kind of success

Nothing more than a creation from lust not love

So I know that I am undeserving to be accepted up above

I am nothing more than a wasted time of this pointless creation

No rights for happiness and no hope for salvation

I am just filth undeserving to live

So my life I am more than willing to give

Torn from my chest my heart is still aching

My mortal soul my essence my life is here for the taking

Like an over drawn seizure my body wont quit shaking

Every thing that I have ever known is breaking

With light slowly fading the darkness begins to surround me

There is no where to go no where left that I should be

Nothing left to do but fade out from this reality

There is nothing left but my own demise that I now wish to see

Death now becomes my only necessity

Like a calm storm taking over a raging sea

Love has left there is nothing but an non filling hole

Nothing left to burn out of existence but my own selfish soul

Losing grip on reality my life I am slowly letting go

Nothing but blindness in a shadow that I now wish to know

This is no longer a time for words but now for actions

Time to put myself away through these painful suicide contraptions

I am now nothing more than an emptied out hallow shell

I have no more lessons to learn and nothing more to tell

I am just a worthless soul that is even unworthy of punishment from hell

A worthless soul that I am unable to sell

I am ready and praying for my last dying breath

Yet I am unsure that my soul is even worthy of death

I can constantly hear the screams from the innocent in my head

So please I beg of you can't you see that I am better off dead